It’s the 3 month countdown……

We are in October! I’ve already lost count of the number of times I’ve overheard people baffled by the month we’re now in. As if they were unaware that it was the month that follows September, which they were also shocked at when it came around.

I can’t believe it’s [insert month] already!

I laugh and take the piss but I am guilty of these conversations too. But seriously, how did we get to October so fast?

With three months left of 2017 I thought it would be a great time to review where I am with my year of vulnerability. Plus, I didn’t really have another topic that I necessarily wanted to write about. Writer’s block if you will! Hence not writing for over a week!

So I read my first ever post on my blog My year of vulnerability 😳 – it was basically about being single – and not wanting to be. And wanting to do better with my business.

10 months into the year and…….

  • I’m still single –  although at the time of writing this post (22.40pm on 2nd October), I have a date tomorrow.
  • I no longer have a business. Nor do I long to have one at the moment. You can read more about my change of heart and letting go of my business goals here – The write path 📝

This makes me laugh, not out loud though, okay I’m exaggerating slightly, I’m not laughing, I’m smirking – as a part of me thought having a blog as a platform to be vulnerable was like stumbling across Aladdin’s lamp, and that in the year to follow I would have ticked off my wants:

img_3986 But there was no Aladdin’s lamp – which I am grateful for. As if I’d have got what I thought I wanted, that ‘surface-level’ want, I would have been working on a business that wasn’t right for me and who knows what type of boyfriend the lamp would have brought me – shudder!m grateful because having this blog has unearthed in me a strength and courage I didn’t realise I had. I still get clammy palms and a racing heart every time I press ‘publish’ to release another part of my private thoughts, worries, dreams BUT I also take a step closer to appreciating who I am.

img_5971 During my three month hiatus from Facebook my posts became braver, more raw and my following increased. I now have 57 followers! Which isn’t many in the world of blogging but it means everything to me.

These followers are people I didn’t know before I started my blog. They cheer me on, they support my journey and sometimes a part of what I say resonates with them. If you’re reading this post dear follower – thank you! ❤️

I am also grateful of conversations that have taken place following posts that I’ve made. Conversations that would probably not have happened if I’d kept my thoughts to myself.

When I write I’m not only finding out more about myself but I’m finding out about others too and I know that I’m not on this journey alone.

I never expected to talk openly about losing loved ones, my anxiety and panic attacks, racism, feeling lonely, ugly, stupid…….etc. Like I said at the beginning it was surface level stuff.

I’m so pleased I scratched the surface and have kept on scratching, revealing parts of myself I’ve shielded for too long. As this blog has made something shift inside me and it warms my heart that it has inspired others too.

Who knows what will happen as the final months roll in? Maybe my knight in shining armour will come but if he doesn’t it really doesn’t matter. As it is no longer about that. It has never really been about that.

It’s about me finding happiness in ‘being me’ – unapologetically me!

I’ve also realised that the name of my blog, although catchy, if I do say so myself, is a tad misleading as vulnerability isn’t a {year} destination, it is an ongoing continuous journey.

I’ve signed up to this bad boy for life!

Until the next post. Cheers!

img_1704 Emma x

Instagram: @emmalouhalliday  If you like this post or any other of my blog posts, please feel free to like, comment or share with friends.

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Celebrating 36 years on Earth 🌏

Today is my birthday!

Today I am 36 years old!

Today I am so bloody happy!

(Okay I'm cheating with this pic as it was taken 3 days ago but it was raining then and it's raining now)

But growing older hasn't always left me feeling this way.

Once I reached my 30s, the years quickly began to attach to me.

Each time my birthday came round I would take note of all the things that I didn't have, such as:

  • A husband/partner
  • A mortgage
  • A driving licence
  • Savings
  • Children
  • A degree

And I would be smothered with a sense of dread, longing and disappointment.

My goals of living in far flung places would be replaced with more 'accessible' and 'realistic' aims! And my biological clock would sing out:

"Happy Birthday……Tick Tock"

Leading up to my birthday this year, something changed. The list above, although still lifetime priorities, didn't hold as much weight!

What mattered more was that I have lived to see 36years.

So this morning I jumped out of bed and celebrated my birthday…… in my birthday suit (obvs). Being grateful for all that I do have. All the experiences I've been fortunate to lay claim to.

As I slathered body firming cream onto my cellulite and concealer on to my eye bags. I made a personal 'New Year' resolution to stop trying to fathom out how I should act at each age.

Not only is it a ball-ache but it doesn't achieve anything apart from make the Comparison Cashier work overtime.

I'm quitting this game of age Top Trumps as I'm tired of being woeful about my age. Playing it up when around older people and playing it down when I'm with younger people. Instead of just being.

My housemate said "Can't wait to celebrate YOU today".

So that's exactly what I'm gonna do! Celebrate ME!

(Birthday lunch with my Bow Bird ❤️)

Happy Birthday to Me xx

Emma x

July – The Challenges 🙀

I’m a huge fan of Brené Brown so immediately purchased ‘Rising Strong’ when I made the decision to start focusing on challenges.

The book takes a look at getting up after a failure. As I am turning my ‘year of vulnerability’ up a few notches, I know there are going to be times when I am down and want to quit. To retreat back to a cocoon of safety.

Continue reading “July – The Challenges 🙀”

It’s time to face the mirrors!

I am beautiful.

This is how I feel when I look in my bathroom mirror on most evenings. Just before I take the remains of my makeup off and for a moment or two after. I stop and take a moment to look deep into my eyes, give myself a genuine grin and appreciate myself!


A few steps into my bedroom and alas…………..I am no longer beautiful.

As unfortunately my bedroom mirror doesn’t tell me the same! Nor any other mirror.

I’m back to seeing myself as unattractive!

I curse my flaws, my features, my angles. Oh why isn’t there a camera filter that makes me look like I do in my bathroom mirror?

I am pretty there.

How can it be so that I’m only truly comfortable with how I look in this one mirror?

It is a belief I would like to turn around. Along with some other thoughts, habits and beliefs that have weakened my self-esteem over time.

There’s the unhealthy habit I have of creating scenarios in which people are judging me.

This happens more often that I’d like to admit. In fact, my thoughts on Saturday night actually inspired this post.

Getting ready to go out I was actually enjoying the pre-party for one in my bedroom. Indie-Rock music blasting out, a couple of beers and some serious….ly silly dance moves.

I had a few minor wardrobe wobbles when the first two outfits didn’t fit me. But was happy with the 3rd outfit and got a respectable slow nod and satisfactory smile from my housemate.

As soon as I walked out of the house, the mind chatter began:

  • My skirt is too short
  • My thighs are too big
  • I’m overdressed
  • I’m too old to be dressed like this

Then came the scenarios about how people would be judging me. Which led me to justify who I am and why I’m dressed like I am. It didn’t stop there as I started to question myself, and then the world! It’s fucking tiring.

Another thing that is kryptonite to my self-esteem is the way I don’t always admit what I actually want. To be fair to myself, for the most part I don’t even realise that I’m doing it.

For as long as I can remember I have confidently confirmed:

‘I’m terrible at making decisions’ 

And that was that. Nothing I could do about it. It’s part of me! Not for once thinking that it was a belief muscle I was building.

It’s only been recently that I have actually taken a closer look at my inability to make decisions. And it hit home. Smack bang wallop in the face!

  • I’m a people pleaser
  • I don’t like to be the odd one out
  • I shy away from confrontation
  • Plus the biggie – I don’t want other people to feel uncomfortable

So I take the easy way out using phrases such as:

I don’t mind’, Whatever you want’ and ‘I’m not sure’. Or I’m just silent and go along with things with a smile on my face.

I know this habit is past it’s sell-by date as it became too frequent that I was looking at others with an envious eye. And the message was, they were a reflection of me. A me I truly wanted to be! To be that confident to go for what I want regardless of others (or my made up) judgements.

All these reasons are why I’ve decided to spend July tearing down the protective walls that once served a purpose. It’s time to work on building new ones.

In my last post Life – who’s in charge? I revisited the reason why I started this blog and noted that I had got off track. Well I am back in the game and the theme for July is ‘self-esteem’. I am going to set myself challenges and give myself permission to go for things.


If you have any suggestions/ideas/tips on what can strengthen my self-esteem muscle please pass them my way.

One of my goals is get to the end of July and be able to look into any mirror and truly say.

I am beautiful.

Emma x

Instagram: @emmalouhalliday
Twitter: @boomerhalliday

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